Athletes have grown accustomed to having an army of support staff joined at the hip these days but the latest secret weapon to Team England for the Commonwealth Games in Melbourne next month has had them in stitches.
Seamstresses have been put on standby both at home and in Australia to make emergency alterations to what some swimmers described as a one-supersize-fits-all team kit. At the Games, from March 15, a sewing service will be available to all members of Team England who find XXL in their kit bags when medium would have got the better measure of them. Those already in Australia or training outside Britainhave been told to employ employ local seamstresses and send the bill back to England HQ in London - within budget.
His whole head, chin and all, rattling inside a bright red Beenie hat of the kind made fashionable by David Beckham, Ben Titley, the trim and slim coach at Loughborough University laughed: "I've been given XXL. The whole thing hangs off me. There's no way I'm wearing any of it."
The same was true for several of his swimmers: Ros Brett and Melanie Marshall, whose fleece jacket looked more like an overcoat, were among several to be given XXL kit, while another team member thought he had overdone the diet. "The trousers are all size 40 waist," said one team source. "The tracksuits are huge. I've no idea who they had in mind when they made them. Mel's was the most comic. The top covered her whole body, including her ankles."
Made by Impsport in Lincoln, the kit includes tracksuits and parade uniforms. However technical equipment, such as Speedo suits for the swimmers, is not part of the deal.
Ann Hogbin, chief executive of the Commonwealth Games Council for England (CGCE), acknowledged that there had been "a few issues with picking and bagging of the kit" but said that there was "nothing to worry about...we are not a whinging team (read Pomm for team all ye Down Under), we'll get on and sort it out".
Seamstresses, she said, would be on call before teams leave for Australia or "to tweak measurements" at the athletes' village in Melbourne. "The competitors always come first," said Hogbin, chef de mission to England at the successful Manchester Games in 2002.
It had been "disappointing" that so many athletes had had problems with their kit, said Hogbin, but the Council were "enormously grateful" to Impsport, the contract with which was announced only last month. While Puma has supplied England kit for the 2002 Games, "not a single major provider would step in" for Melbourne, said Hogbin. There were "always problems over the size of kit when you're dealing with hundreds of athletes", she noted.
Dan Ellmore, managing director of Impsport, said: "Some are shorter in the arm, others longer. We're working off a standard-sized matrix. We put the kit together as closely as we can to bag it so the athletes can go off with it. The rugby team will be chosen tomorrow (today) and they go on Friday so we really are working last-minute. I would be unhappy if we were the first company to suffer this problem but its something most companies face on these occasions." He ackowledged that mistakes had been made at "bagging", with XXL chosen instead of XXS, but compared the exercise to kitting out the army.
Hogbin, meanwhile, hoped that fans would buy the team kit to help cover the high costs of having a team in Melbourne. If the St George's Cross, used impressively on some of the kit - is to your liking and if the cap - and much else besides - fits, you can buy at www.england-clothing.co.uk.